The Misadventures of Gwenneth Maccabee
by Byzantium-Badger
Summary: Gwen's life was boring. There's no way around it. After a bad day, she's walking home to her apartment, hoping to just sleep the day off, and discovers something unusual on the wooded path to her apartment building. After passing out, she wakes up in an unusual world, dragged into a quest she didn't even know about in the first place. KilixOC, Note: Swear Words in story
1. Chapter 1

Chapter Eins

_"In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit."- J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit_

Gwenneth Maccabee had decided at that moment that she had had enough. The burly face of her boss stood before her, towering over her 5'6" 130 pound frame. The faintest sheen of sweat glimmered in the natural light from the windows on his brow. One sentence he had said caused his musty office to be near silent, the only sound to be heard being the cheap desk fan that had continued to whir in a circle, oblivious to the tension between the two people in the room.

"What?" Gwen said, looking in the eye.

"You're fired. Get out." He said abruptly, not even having the decency to look at her face, turning around and plopping unto his leather seat with a thump. Gwen clenched her fists; today had been bad enough as it was, and she certainly didn't need to add this to the ever growing list of reasons why today had to be the worst day to grace the earth for Gwen. She inhaled through her nose, attempting to keep her calm. She failed. Her hands unclenched, palms still stinging around the half moon marks left by her fingernails. Abruptly, her right hand slammed onto the faux wood of his desk. Pushing her hand to the left in an agonizingly slow motion, Gwen swiped the top of his desk clean. Every item on his painfully unorganized desk now lay on the carpeted floor, from papers to bills to the occasional knick knack. Huffing like an angered bull, she muttered one word just audible for both of them to hear.

"Bullshit"

Gwen, having decided that today was a day to continue in her cheap apartment, surrounded by the familiar items of her home, stomped out of the room. This job had been the only thing she had going for groceries and everyday items, as she was trying her very best (which might have not been enough at that point) to not succumb to the temptation that was the student loan.

Tugging on her well worn coat and grabbing her irkingly cheery yellow umbrella, she stepped into the wide sidewalk outside, putting up her cheery umbrella as her only defense against the onslaught of rain. The cold rain pouring out of the clouds onto the device was punishment enough for being what Gwen had decided was far too happy, she concluded. Gwen pulled her coat tighter around her body, biting back a shiver at the sting of frosty wind on her face. What reasons she had for deciding to move to New Hampshire for Dartmouth were not good enough. How people could stand living here their whole lives was lost to Gwen as she trudged through the puddles to the bus stop. She stood out here, among these Northerners. She had color, they were pale, her accent long and stupid sounding compared to their clipped tones. Gwen much prefered Oklahoma to the foreign land that was New Hampshire.

Shaking her head with a sigh, she pushed past a happy couple that was holding hands. Grumbling, she went over the mental list of why today was the worst. First, she had to take a taxi, only to discover she had left her wallet at home, she had gotten mud all over her favorite pair of high tops, her lunch had fallen out of it's container thus spilling it's contents all over her bag, and had just gotten fired from her job. Wonderful. Finally, she arrived at her bus stop.

She sat down on the steel metal bench and waited. And waited. She looked to her watch to check the time, and to her chagrin, found that it was 6:20 instead of 5:20 when she had arrived. Huffing, she trudged through the streets to her apartment.

Her apartment complex was a large, slightly trashy place. If one knew what buildings to avoid (Apartment 2B, 1B, and 3A were some of said apartments), they could pass through undisturbed. Gwen, having been a resident for a year, had a set path she took to get to her building (5C). Gwen trekked through the forested sidewalk as the sun set over the trees. As she walked, Gwen could've sworn she saw something glimmering under the bushes. Curious, she walked closer, peering through the dark leaves.

It was a hole, a pit in the earth. It seemed as though the pebbles in the dirt were lit with an unearthly glow. Gwen reached down and grabbed one. Suddenly, a bright flash of multicolored light filled her vision, and everything went dark.

**Okay, so having read The Hobbit and watching all the movies, I began reading Kili fanfiction. And when you read fanfiction you tend to want to write some of your own. So, here I am! I read the Hobbit in the fourth grade and didnt understand some of it (getting another copy soon) so if I mess up the plot or get something off please tell me! Also, this is the first time I've written in third person, so these chapters might be a little funky until I get used to it. Thanks for reading! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Zwei

_"There are no safe paths in this part of the world. Remember you are over the Edge of the Wild now, and in for all sorts of fun wherever you go."_ -J.R.R. Tolkien, _The Hobbit_

The sky was dark in the Shire as the sun disappeared under the green hills. The usually peaceful dwelling of Bilbo Baggins was alive with the hustle and bustle of a race many residents of the Shire had never seen before. Dwarves. Twelve of them. However, the sound of the dwarves fell into a murmuring at the sight of Gandalf the Grey carrying what appeared to be a female dwarf; a rarity among their race. Gandalf set her down on the wooden floor. The twelve dwarves circled around her, breath ceasing when she appeared to stir. Groaning, she blinked wearily, rubbing her eyes.

Hazel eyes cracked open, gazing at the wizard. Croakily, she said one word bemusedly.

"Dumbledore?"

* * *

Gwen's body hurt; she could feel the pain seeping through every muscle into her tired bones. She looked up wearily, to see an old man. Now, having not read the Harry Potter series (unless you count watching the first movie), nor The Hobbit, she came to the conclusion any typical person would come to.

"Dumbledore?"

The man chuckled and looked at her amusedly. Suddenly, she noticed there were other people in the room, turned her head around, wincing as she did. To her surprise, she was surrounded by twelve...very short men. Her sight was particularly drawn to a few of the men; a fat, squat one with a peculiarly braided beard, a piece of bread in his mouth, one with what she thought was quite the impressive mustache and hat, and stopped on a pair of dwarves that appeared younger than the rest. One had blonde hair and an unusual pair of lip braids. The other seemed very different from the others, lacking a beard or collection of unusual braids, and, well.. was very handsome. He had dark hair and brown eyes, and a smaller nose than the others. Willing a blush not to appear on her cheeks, she mentally reminded herself of where she was.

"Where the hell am I?" She asked confused.

"You are in Middle Earth, the Shire. I found you on the side of the road on my way here." Said Not-Dumbledore, looking at her in a way that clearly said "explain. Now."

"I.. I should be in New Hampshire.. I.. Middle Earth? What? I was walking to my apartment and then.." She trailed off, memories going fuzzy afterwards. Not-Dumbledore smiled at her.

"Well, I am not sure where this.. New Hampshire is, but I am Gandalf." Said Not-D- Gandalf.

The.. dwarves seemed to take this as a sign to introduce themselves.

"Bombur." Said the squat one.

"Bofur," Said the dwarf with the impressive hat.  
"Bifur" Grunted out a man with what appeared to be a piece of axe in his head.

"Oin"

"Gloin"

"Dori"

"Nori" Said a dwarf with an unusually braided mohawk style hair.

"Ori"

"Balin"

"Dwalin" Said a rough looking dwarf with tattoos on his head.

"Fili" Said the lip-braid dwarf

"Kili." Finished the attractive dwarf.

"At your service." They chorused together.

"Well, you guys certainly know how to make a girl feel special." Gwen chuckled

"I'm Gwenneth. Gwenneth Maccabee."

Kili bent down, reaching his calloused hand to help her get up. She blushed, accepting his hand.

"Well Miss Gwenneth it's a pleasure to meet you." He said.

"Just Gwen."She said

* * *

As Gwen sat at the table, she joined the merrymaking and loudness that was the dwarves. She grabbed a slice of bread, ripping off chunks and stuffing them into her mouth, spreading honey on the pieces as she went.

"If you don't mind my asking, what are you? You appear to be a female dwarf yet you have no beard, your feet are too small to be a hobbit's and while your features are delicate like an elf's but you are far too short to be one." Said Gandalf, making Gwen cough on her meal. A dwarf? She thought it was pretty obvious that she was human. _Human_. Not dwarf, not elf, not a hobbit. Human.  
"What? It's pretty obvious I'm a human.. I'm pretty sure dwarves aren't five foot six.. I'm way too tall to be a dwarf I think." Said Gwen, shaking her head in disbelief. Was she really having this conversation? In Middle Earth, sitting next to Dwarves? Gandalf looked at her confusedly.

"My dear, what do you mean five foot six? You appear to be around four foot eight.." Gandalf trailed off, noticing Gwen's look of horror and confusion.

She looked down at herself, just now noticing the fact that her legs were far too short to be hers, the torso not long enough. She couldn't believe that only now she had noticed that her clothes seemed to be made for someone much larger than she was, her coat encasing her all the way to her knees. Raising her hands up to her eyes shakily, she noticed that everything about her seemed smaller.

"What?... I.. I was human….. I.." She said shakily.

"It seems that something has brought you here, to our world." Said Gandalf.

Gwen wasn't sure she liked the cryptic way he spoke.

* * *

At the loud knock of a door the room went silent.

"He's here." Said Gandalf, leaving Gwen wondering who was here and how much power they held to cease the dwarf's sound.

The round green door opened, revealing a figure entering the doorway. Though he was short compared to the wizard, he seemed to hold a certain power over the dwarves. His presence exuded power, so thick she could feel it in the air.

"Gandalf,"He said in greeting

"I thought you said this place would be easy to find, I lost my way twice. Wouldn't have found it at all if it weren't for that mark on the door." He said, entering the room. He began unfastening his cloak as he continued to speak.

"W-What? There's no mark on that door, it was painted a week ago!" Bilbo interrupted

"There is a mark, I put it there myself." Corrected Gandalf

"Bilbo Baggins, allow me to introduce you to the leader of our company, Thorin Oakenshield."

"So," Thorin began "This is the Hobbit."

"Tell me, Mr. Baggins, have you done much fighting?"

"P-Pardon me?"

"Axe or sword. What is your weapon of choice?"

"Well, I do have some skill at Conkers, if you must know, but I fail to see why that is relevant." Bilbo replied and Gwen raised an eyebrow. She wasn't sure what "Conkers" was, but it didn't exactly sound threatening.  
"Thought as much." Said Thorin

"He looks more like a grocer than a burglar."

Everyone laughed, including Gwen who had to agree. Though she felt a bit sorry for the poor Hobbit, Thorin's statement had made her and everybody laugh.

"And who is this, Gandalf?" Asked Thorin, noticing the only female in the room. With all eyes on her, Gwen took a nervous gulp.

"Why, that is Miss Gwenneth, I found her on the road to the Shire unconscious. I do believe she will be an asset to this company. A woman's touch, if you will." Replied Gandalf. Gwen had to snort at that; she wasn't known to be the most.. feminine woman, but she could cook and sew and she supposed that was what men from these times looked for in a woman.

"Is that so?"Said Thorn.

"Tell me, girl. What can you do for this company?"

Gwen's eye twitched at being called "girl". She had forgotten that most men in this time period were a bit sexist.

"I can sew and cook, plus I took archery as a child. You could teach me how to fight on the way. And my name is Gwen. Not Girl. Get it right next time." She huffed in frustration.

"You need to learn some respect." Said Thorin, walking into the dining room.

"You have to earn it first." Gwen grumbled underneath her breath, following the retreating Dwarves to the dining room.

Thorin sat at the head of the table, occupants quiet as Balin pulled a roll of parchment out of his pocket, unrolling it with a rustle.

"Well, give him the contract, Mister Balin." Said Thorin

The hobbit read the contract, face growing more pale as he continued to read.

_"Incineration?"_ She heard Bilbo ask

"Think furnace with wings. Burn the flesh right off yer bones." Bofur had to add, causing the timid hobbit to gulp and sit straight up. Gwen could feel the blood draining from her face. _What exactly was this journey of theirs? _Gwen suddenly felt a bit nervous about joining them. Kili looked over to her with a concerned look on his face.

"Are you alright?" He asked quietly and she raised a hand to her forehead.  
"Y-yeah.. It's just been one hell of a day." She responded.

Abruptly, Bilbo fell to the floor in a dead faint, doing exactly what Gwen was worried she would do. Taking a deep breath, she steadied herself for reading the contract.

"But Thorin, what about Miss Gwenneth?" Said the Balin.

Thorin seemed to mentally debate it for a moment, scratching at his beard in a typical thinking fashion. Finally, he conceded.

"Fine, give her the contract as well."

Gwen reached over and grabbed the rough parchment from Balin's fingers, clutching the paper in her grasp. Reading over it, she could completely relate with Bilbo. She read over one sentence that caused her to stop._ Funeral expenses_. She took a deep breath, grasping the pen in her hand. _Oh well, I have no idea what I'm doing here, but as they say, fuck it._ She thought, and signed the page.

And thus, Gwenneth Maccabee became the fourteenth member of the company.


	3. Chapter 3-- Revised

**Okay guys, here's a fixed up chapter 3 as promised. The beginning is the same, but it's a LOT different than the original chapter 3, so even if you read it before, you should read it again, I think. The end result is the same as the first version, but this has a lot more stuff in it. Lots of conversations and fun and bonding and stuff. So READ ON MY HOBBITS! *Announces from the back of a pony, pointing a pencil to the sky for emphasis***

Caput III

_"The road goes ever on and on."_- J.R.R. Tolkien, _The Hobbit_

Gwen immediately regretted joining the company the moment she saw those_ creatures._ Fourteen of them stood there, drinking in the sun. On four legs they stood, hooves clapping against the dirt road. At the sight of them, Gwen stamped her foot down.

"Nope. I'm not doing it."

Kili and Fili, who were standing near her, looked at her in confusion.

"What do you mean?" Asked Fili

"There's no way in Hell I'm riding one of those_ things_." She said pointedly, glaring at the things before her. Kili chuckled.

"You mean the ponies?" He said amusedly.

"Those creatures are pure evil and I refuse to ride on one." She said, stomping her foot down. Gwen could recall a time when she loved horses and ponies… and shuddered at the thought. A particularly bad experience with an equine-she refused to call it a horse- and her heart no longer held any love for them.

"Miss Gwenneth.." Fili started

"Nope. I'll walk. And it's Gwen. Gwenneth makes me sound like an old lady."

"Miss Gwen, we'll have to work something out." Reasoned Kili.

The dwarves were starting to mount now, and Gwen continued to stand still. She would rather pull a hobbit and walk barefoot the whole way than ride on such an evil creature. Suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped around her waist, lifting her up and pulling her out of her thoughts. Abruptly, she found herself in what she thought was a horrible position for two reasons. One, being that she was on one of the _beasts_, and could feel the creature alive beneath her. Two, she was in front of someone. That someone being Kili, and she could feel his breath on the back of her neck, could feel his heavy coat pressing against the shirt she had borrowed from Bilbo the night before. Now, this wouldn't be as awkward for her if a. His arms weren't practically encasing her to grab the reins, and b. It were someone other than Kili behind her. Because let's face it, the other dwarves may have been handsome by dwarven standards, but Gwen was not used to being a dwarf. Now, Kili however, was not large nosed nor possessed a beard, and this was_ very good_ by Gwen's human standards. Add that to the fact that he was handsome anyways, and that made Gwen a slightly awkward yet happy camper sitting in front of him.

"Oi!" Yelled Bofur who had turned around on his pony to address the three.

"We're makin' bets on whether or not will show!"

"He's not coming!" Yelled Fili, followed by Kili. Gwen winced at his yelling in her ear.

"How about you, Miss Gwenneth?" Shouted Bofur.

"Uh.. I'm not placing any bets!" She replied

Gwen didn't trust betting, she had gone to a casino once at the young age of sixteen, fake ID in hand and a stuffed wallet in the other. The memory was blurry due to the amount of margaritas she had consumed at the less than sanitary casino bar, but from what she could tell, it had ended with the stuffed wallet being, well, less stuffed. Empty, more like. And from that experience she had vowed to never again lose her money from betting and gambling.

Kili looked at her amusedly.

"Aw, come on, Gwen! Scared of a little betting?" Kili teased.

At this, Gwen huffed. She was _not_ scared of betting. Pride on the line, she changed her mind.

"On second thought, 5 gold that he gets here before Bree!" She announced, not one to back down from some teasing.

Of course, during all of this it had slipped her mind that she had no money to her name at the moment.

* * *

An hour had passed, and the sun was high in the sky as the company of dwarves plus one wizard made their way across the land. All that could be heard was the dim buzzing of the bugs and the incessant _clop, clop, clop_** of the ponies' hooves beating against the rock ridden path. Gwen was fighting to stay awake. The warmth of the sun and Kili's body heat behind her was draining her of her life force. As she bit back a yawn a new sound pricked her ears. Bilbo.

"Wait! W-wait! I've signed the contract!" Yelled said hobbit, unshoed feet padding against the rock and dirt as he ran to catch up.

"Hey look! It's Mister Baggins! What do you know, Gwen was actually right!" Yelled Fili, who had spotted Bilbo first.

The hobbit caught his breath for a moment before hopping onto the pony Gwen had refused to ride. Gwen secretly hoped that the combined weight of Bilbo and the supplies would crush the evil thing. Gwen caught the small bags of gold thrown at her, laughing at the Hobbit's confused gaze.

Not even ten minutes later did the peace last.

"Wait! Wait! Stop!" Yelled Bilbo and Gwen groaned; she was just about to fall asleep.

"What is it?" Asked Gwen irritably. The excitement of yesterday had worn down and she was weary from… what should she call it? Falling out of her world? She guessed that would suit, considering she felt like she had fallen off a cliff.

"I forgot my handkerchief. We need to go back." Said the Hobbit grimly.

At this, Bofur ripped off a piece of his shirt and tossed it to the hobbit, who tried and failed to not grimace at the cloth's state of cleanliness. Gwen chuckled, finding some joy in the fact that the hobbit was severely uncomfortable only ten minutes in.

* * *

Gwen leaned up against a large boulder, wedged in between Fili and Kili. Her stomach was warm from dinner and the fire in front of her. Gwen's eyelids began to droop and she leaned her head on Kili's shoulder from tiredness. As her eyes finally shut, a loud howl and crashing noise reverberated through the forest, snapping Gwen's eyes open.

"What was that?" She asked quietly.

"Orcs." Said Fili.

Orcs? She may have not known much about fantasy or anything, but wasn't it the rule that Orcs were the bad guy? And they were IN the forest THEY were IN. Gwen gulped.

"Aye, they strike in the wee hours of the night while people are sleeping. No screams or struggle, just lots of blood." Kili finished. Gwen normally would've found his rough accented voice so close to her ear attractive, but right now all she could process was that there were orcs possibly in the vicinity. Orcs. Y'know, the bad guy. The ones that killed lots of people and were like, evil. Even if she was in the company of a bunch of battle seasoned dwarves she was unarmed and had no experience. Gwen could feel the blood drain from her face. Kili took note of her expression and opened his mouth as if to apologize, but Thorin interrupted.

"You think that's funny? Orc raids in the middle of the night are no laughing matter." He said angrily, storming away.

As much as Gwen appreciated his interrupting, she didn't like him being so rude to them for a mere joke.

"What crawled up his ass and died?" She muttered bitterly. Kili chuckled at her language, not quite sure what it meant but too amused to care.

"Thorin has more reason than most to hate Orcs." said Balin, giving reason for Thorin's reaction.

Gwen leaned in, wanting to know more.

"After Erebor was taken, the King tried to take back the ancient Dwarf Kingdom of Moria. However, it had been taken over by Orcs, led by their leader, a pale orc called Azog the Defiler. Azog had sworn to wipe out the line of Durin, and he began by beheading the King." Started Balin.

"We were fighting a losing battle, and were about to be driven out completely, but then I saw him. A young Dwarf prince, facing down the Defiler alone. His weapons had been knocked out of his hands, all he had was an oaken branch on his arm as defense. Yet, as Azog was about to deliver a killing blow, Thorin spun and grabbed his sword, hacking off the Orc's left hand. At this, we started to attack again, and this time _we_ were the ones pushing the Orcs back. The battle was victorious, but we did not count it as a victory. Our deaths were many, and Thrain, Thorin's father, went mad and disappeared." Balin finished.

Gwen finally realized why Thorin had the name Oakenshield, but a question was nagging at the back of her head.

"But what happened to Azog?" She asked. This time it was Thorin that replied.

"That filth died of his wounds long ago." He said with a finality and Gwen would've believed it, if it hadn't been for the grim look Gandalf had as Thorin said that.

* * *

Gwen reached into her bag out of boredom, curious if her items still remained inside. To her delight, they did. Too bad that her cellphone was dead, she had really wanted to play angry birds. As she was digging, she found another source of entertainment; a deck of playing cards.

She was about to set herself up a game of solitaire when Kili came to sit next to her.

"What are those?" He asked, glancing at her cards. It was only then that Gwen realized that these people had no idea what most of the stuff in her world was. She'd have to try to not make any references.

"It's a deck of cards. Wanna play Blackjack*? I can teach you how." Gwen said, pulling out a bag of marbles to bet with. (A/N: For anybody who thinks it's odd to have marbles and a deck of cards on hand just know that in my backpack for school I have a deck of cards, toenail clippers, a dictionary, two notebooks that aren't for any of my classes, and a stick of deodorant. I don't even take gym.)

Teaching a dwarf how to play Blackjack was one thing that Gwen never thought she'd do.

"Okay, so see how I went over 21? That means I bust and you win, unless you busted too. If that happens we keep whatever we put out to bet in the pot and draw again." Gwen instructed...

Twenty minutes later, Gwen was about to pull her hair out. The damn dwarf had won_ again_.

"21." Said Kili triumphantly and Gwen wanted to slap the smug look off that handsome face of his.

"Okay, what the hell are you doing. There's seriously no way you could win this much." Gwen deadpanned.

"I guess I'm just that lucky." Kili said in amusement. Gwen growled and shuffled the deck, determined to not lose again. She could feel the "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly" theme song playing in the back of her head as she forced herself to keep a poker face and look her opponent (he had been relabeled in her head to keep her from going soft, because this was now war) in the eye. She had an ace and a 6 in her hands, so it was good for now. Gwen grabbed another card from the deck, exhaling when it came up a 3. Okay, so she could have a 20 or she could try to go higher and play the ace as a 1. Deciding to risk it, she grabbed another card, this time a 7. Grabbing another, she opened her eyes to find the motionless face of a Queen card staring up at her.

"Dammit!" She yelled, ignoring the looks she got from the other dwarves. Kili just laughed.

* * *

Early morning sunlight shined onto the camp of dwarves, where all but one member of the camp were asleep in their sleeping bags, still stuck in the land of Nod. The other member being Gwen, was very happy at the moment. She had woken up early as usual, used to getting up before the sun from the early time her job- old job, now- started. Now, one might ask what caused the former human to be so happy this early in the morning, and that was that she had found her ipod. Not the fancy ipod touch, she had her iphone which was dead at the moment for that, but her ipod. The kind they had before the touch screens came out. She plugged her earbuds in and crawled away from the camp to an extent. She could still see them, but wanted to make sure she was far away to where she wouldn't wake her sleeping companions. Gwen pressed the button on her ipod shuffle, stopping whens he heard a familiar and favorite tune of hers fill her ears. Feeling giddy, she turned up the volume and gave in to desire.

"_Oh yeah, I'll tell you something I think you'll understand_" She began happily.

Moments later she was singing along and bouncing and dancing to the song.

_"I wanna hold your ha-a-a-and! I wanna hold your hand!"_

Gwen snapped her fingers and shaked her hips while belting out the lyrics, not caring that she probably looked like an idiot right now.

_"And when you touch me, I feel happy inside, it's such a feeling that my love, I can't hide! I can't hide! I can't hi-i-de!_" She continued, shaking her head left to right.

She took a breath, about to continue when she heard a voice behind her.

"That's quite the routine you have." Kili said while trying- and failing - to cover his laughter. Gwen's cheeks burned. Embarrassed, she tried to defend herself.

"Oi, I'll have you know that I was singing the Beatles, and that justifies singing and dancing."

"Who're the Beatles?" Asked Kili, and Gwen had to stop herself from smacking herself in the face out of exasperation.

"Nevermind that. Now shoo, I want to look like an idiot by myself." She said, putting in her earbuds.

"Nah, I think I'll sit right here and watch. Besides, you have a lovely voice." He said, smiling at her. Gwen wasn't sure whether or not he was being sarcastic or not.

"Shut up." She said blushing.

"No, seriously. Sing some more. I promise not to laugh." He said. Pursing her lips, Gwen conceded.

"Fine, but you have to pinky promise not to laugh." She said seriously, sticking out her pinky finger.

"What's a pinky promise?" Asked Kili.

"You cross pinky fingers with me" She began, gesturing to said finger "and if you break the promise you have to chop your pinky off." She said with false seriousness. Kili gulped.

"I'm just kidding, you don't have to chop it off. Though I might if you laugh." Said Gwen.

"Yeah? With what blade? I haven't seen one on you." Answered Kili and Gwen quickly replied.

"Oh? So you've been looking at me?" Gwen teased and Kili blushed.

The blush took Gwen by surprise, as she didn't expect him to actually have been looking at her, and she responded with a blush of her own.

"Oi! You two! Quit your flirting and get back up here!" Yelled Fili teasingly and the two of them blushed harder.

"We're not flirting, you git!" Replied Kili while Gwen just flipped him off.

"Oh, shut the hell up you ass!" Said Gwen as she climbed back up to where they were.

"What are you doing?" Fili gestured to Gwen's still standing finger.

"I forget you don't know what this means. Let's just say you should probably take offense." Gwen replied, sticking her earbuds back in. To her dismay, her device had died during her banter with Kili.

"Dammit." She said as she tucked her device back in her bag.

"What is it?" Asked Kili.

"I lost my music. I'll be forced to listen to the songs in my head as I remember them." She replied angrily.

"Well I'd love to hear more music from your world." Teased Kili.

"Maybe if you're lucky one day." Gwen replied.

* * *

Gwen hummed the Godfather theme song as she packed her small amount of belongings. Rolling up her sleeping roll, she shoved it in her bag when Fili sat beside her.

"What is it?" She asked.

"Listen. I think we both know it's obvious my brother feels something for you." Fili began and Gwen blushed profusely. No, evidently they did not both know that it was obvious. She had no knowledge of that.

"Well, that was blunt. And no, we both did not know. That was a surprise." She replied.

"And I highly doubt Kili, of all people, would like me like that." She replied incredulously.

"I'm just saying, dwarves only love once. Don't break my little brother's heart." Fili finished while Gwen shook her head. There was no way Kili could ever like her like that. He probably had loads of dwarven ladies lined up at his doorstep back home, she thought bitterly. She wasn't quite sure why that thought made her so angry, she had only known them for a few days and it wasn't her business whether or not he had a woman back home. Nevertheless, she had to force herself not to ask him if he was in a relationship.

* * *

Later that day, they finally camped out for the night. Gandalf had stormed off, causing Gwen to feel a bit tenser than usual, but so far nothing had happened. She had volunteered to watch the ponies with Fili and Kili, reasoning that another pair of eyes would help, but really she just wanted to ask them some questions and spend some time with Kili and Fili, who were her favorite dwarves of the bunch.

They arrived at the ponies, turning to face the creatures as they sat on a fallen log. Determined not to give in to an awkward silence, Gwen attempted to start a conversation.

"So, uh, what's Erebor like?" She asked.

"Well, actually, we've never seen Erebor. It was taken before we were born. We've lived in Ered Luin our whole lives." Replied Fili.

"Oh. Uh, do you like it there?" Gwen replied.

"Well, we've lived there our whole lives, so it's like home. I like living there, but Erebor is where we're supposed to be." Said Fili.

"That and Tabitha's there." Said Kili teasingly, poking a now blushing Fili. Picking up on Fili's embarrassment, she joined in.

"Oh, I take it this Tabitha is someone special then?" She replied just as teasingly as Kili.

"She's a dwarf lass in Ered Luin that is Fili's 'one'." Answered Kili.

"Do you have someone back home?" Gwen asked, hoping that her uneasiness wasn't betrayed by her voice. She ignored Fili's knowing stare as she waited for Kili to answer.

"Actually, no." He said. Gwen didn't believe it.

"Aw, come on, you guys gotta have the ladies lining up on your front door step." Replied Gwen.

"Well, we're not exactly much to look at in the dwarf community." Said Fili.

"You're shitting me," Gwen started, noting to explain what that meant after she finished talking.

"You guys aren't much to look at? Are you serious? I mean, damn, if I brought you guys back home with me you'd have to beat the girls off with a stick they'd be trying to get with you so much." Looking at the brothers' confused stare she quickly corrected her language.

"What I meant was are you serious? If I took you guys back home girls would be all over you two."

"Well evidently humans and dwarves have different standards." Replied Kili a tad bitterly.

"What's his problem?" She asked Fili, gesturing to Kili. Fili looked at Kili for a moment, before looking at her.

"Kili, as you can see, doesn't have a beard, and is leaner than most dwarves, so he's considered not as attractive and was teased a lot about it when we were younger." Fili said. Gwen stared. That was the biggest load of bull she had ever heard. Kili not attractive?

"That's the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard. They really care whether you have a beard or not? Seriously? Lots of girls from where I'm from don't like their guys to have facial hair in the first place. It shouldn't matter. I mean, you're both pretty good looking.." Gwen trailed off, noticing the brothers' grins. Suddenly they leaned in, each putting their arm almost around her in a teasing manner. Gwen blushed a bit, cheeks light pink.

"So you think we're attractive?" Fili teased.

"Well, yeah, I guess. Don't let that blow up your ego though because some girls would say the opposite."Gwen replied, and the brothers deflated. Gwen noticed Bilbo coming over and was about to greet him when Kili and Fili's voices stopped her.

"Gwen. Mister Baggins." Started Fili grimly.

"What?" Asked Gwen uneasily. What had caused them to become so somber?

"We have a bit of a problem." Continued Kili.

"We had 16 ponies," Said Fili.

"But now we have 14." Finished Kili, and Gwen paled a bit.

***Okay, so Blackjack is a really fun card game where you try to get to 21 and if you go over, you bust. At the end of the** **round the person closest to 21 wins.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own "I want to hold your hand" by the Beatles or "The Hobbit" by J.R.R. Tolkien**

**Now I feel kind of weird with putting songs and specific things in fanfiction, but I put it in because Gwen is alright with being in middle earth, but the sight of a piece of technology from her world just kind of reminds her who she is and I would feel pretty happy if I was listening to the beatles in middle earth. I was also kinda listening to that song when that scene came into mind and I thought about how that song makes me want to dance like an idiot and sing along so I gave her that. **

**And I know that the romance might be moving a little quick since they've known each other for a few days at most, but in here dwarves only love once, and in my mind that means that it's something similar to a werewolf's mate in a story or a vampire's beloved, theoretically. Like in werewolf stories the two can feel a connection the moment their eyes meet, and I kinda want something like that in here. To me it means that there is one person out there specifically made for each dwarf, and I think that once you meet your 'one' that you would fall hard and fast, not mattering how long you've known them or what race you are. That's why I have them already starting to get feelings for the other.**


	4. Author's Note -- PLEASE READ

Okay you guys, there's an issue that I would like to address, and I really want you guys' opinions on this so PLEASE review with your response.

To be honest, I don't really like this story. I feel awkward, and I just all around don't like it. I feel like it doesn't transition smoothly and just could be a lot better. Also, I'm incredibly worried about the romance because I personally don't know what it's like to be in love. I'd like to, but I don't. And with my being fairly young ( I don't even have a driver's license ), one would figure that I've had as many crushes as the next gal. The last time I had a crush was in the fourth grade. Sadly, I barely remember what it's like to have a crush on someone, even if it's puppy love. I feel like the romance ( not that there's much as this point in time ) is uneven and patchy. My conversations are awkward, which is probably a cause of my own lack of social skills. I didn't have any friends really until the fifth grade.

I'm bad at relating to normal people, and talking to new people or trying to make friends, frankly terrifies me. I got nervous about asking the lady where I could find a book at Hastings, and almost started crying at the prospect of asking the saleswoman where I could find the hobbit dvd, and forced my friend to do it for me. She was going to make me, and it gave me a lot of anxiety.

So I'm not the best at making friends and fabricating conversations because the friends I have don't exactly have normal conversations with me ( just recently I was telling my friend why late december - early spring would be the ideal human mating season if we had one ), much less a conversation that dwarves of middle earth would have.

I apologize for doing this, but I think I will put this story on hiatus for now. I hate to do it at such an early stage, but I think it needs to be done. I'm constantly worrying that I'll get plot or a location wrong, and someone who doesn't know the plot by heart shouldn't be writing fanfiction, in my eyes.

I want you guys' opinion on whether or not the story should be paused, what I could do to fix it, and this story is barely even plotted out by me- I basically go chapter to chapter with a rough idea of what I want to happen, so any ideas or things you'd like included should be added.

Thanks, and Sorry.

~ Byzantium Badger


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